hey a friend of mine asked me how my heart was today ;) some ways back now and the journey that was sprang forth... well i feel like sharing, the question i took to heart and really asked/felt how my heart was and it was lonely, missing companionship, i let that be then i connected deep with myself and the great awesome "cosmos everything" and declared i am opening up to love, to experiencing that, during this powerful activity all thous i ever loved came into mind quite clearly, i realized i still love them all and that was not something to fear that i could just love them... so i sent my love and openness to them all, i felt this to my core, some time after that i was a passenger on the way to a wedding, on the ride there i did a meditation, opening up to the love that is there unconditionally with no expectations, opening to share heart to heart, when i arrive a lovely lady caught my eye, i felt drawn to her, i am still a some what shy individual so i did not engage in conversation, but she did with me and i connected heart to heart with her had a fun time and then kept seeing her for quite a ways which brought me much joy love and soul seeing but the universe synchronously put that on pause for something else was to be focused on...
Then out of the blue one of my biggest heart centers towards a person gets in touch with me ill call her Tinna (for now) some things i will not share with you because she asked me to keep it secret, anyways Tinna is someone i loved deeply all my life since as far back as i can remember i developed a crush for her age 4ish, felt deeply connected to and reasoned that she was my soul mate, my dads best friends daughter, i didn't see her often but every time i did was a blast and some of the greatest times of my life and was sadden when we left, every time i fell into love with her it was never fully expressed thou, well i got a message from Tinna mom that she was trying to get in touch with me and gave me her number, i called she was in the area and made plans to meet up, i get a call late at night and Tinna got kicked out of the apartment she was staying at and had no place to go, its not even a question to me so i go get her its great to see my friend.
When we get back to the place im staying currently i become aware she took some sort of drug, i talk to her about it she does not hide the truth from me, i give her something to snap her out of her sleepiness and allow me and her to open up to one another, we talk all night, much fun and laughs and spiritual opening, i feel i should be close to her and express what has currently been happen in my world and that with my heart and where she fits in, that iv always had tremendous love for her and at one time it might have been incompatibly because of the desire to have love returned in such a way, but that now i just love you no matter what, if i love you i love you, we sleep next to each other in bed, and just send her love in a way that i think it will help her which was just cuddling and letting her know there is love in her world.
Next morning goes by we have good times i show her some videos of mine and try introducing her to the course for i believe it would do much good, she is very intelligent, knows and is interested in much the same things i am, later in the day she learns that my family members know she was on drugs, i talk to her about how its alright no one looks down on you, not something you need to run away from, she gets embarrassed easily, so she starts making plans to get away from here, threw are talks thou she changes her mind and decides to stay but now a person is all ready waiting for her and she feels compelled to go, i let her know that she does not have to go and to stay in touch that i love her and to be safe, she goes...
i get a bunch of txt threw the night that she should not have gone that she was sorry and that she loves me and misses me, i get them in the morning i call but no answer so i txt back to just let me know where to get her that there is nothing to be sorry about and i love her, long story short she does not come back right away gone for about 4 day with us txting, she was not in a good place, she leaves and comes back , she tells me the truth, i would share but i promised not to, but it changes nothing in the way i see her, i let her know that, i follow what i believe i should do, i work it out with the family that she could stay with us for the time being, i keep being me and she keeps opening up to me i let her know that you can choose to see what has happened in a positive way that you now know what you don't want... also ways to change the story on events and rolls between victim and creator
she lets me know what drugs she is addicted to after a night of sweating, i ask her what she wants to do she tells me she wants off them, 2 ways cold turkey or incremental, incremental was chosen, so i helped her ween off them seems to be doing quite well days go by as i try getting us to eat healthy and bike around getting excises which we both fall in love with.
she tells me she is engaged and her boyfriend is in jail for a dwi, i did feel some hurt i did not hide it but i knew that it was ok and that this entire experience was something good for me and as well as her, so i just let that be and kept loving her in ways she could accept, she also has hepatitis c, does not change anything to me i just start getting her on milk thistle cus its great for the liver,
its amazing i love her so much, that can never change, and we happen to meet up when she is in need of help and when i am ready/able to give her the help, we took a trip to get away for a while that was fun connected more deeply i had a beautiful spiritual awakening with her about being at ease, with what is, felt such ease and acceptance of what is, such a powerful, lovely feeling, now im at ease as i love her.
Tinna is in a tough spot this has been tremendously healing for me, im so grateful for everything and have such love for everyone when i think on it i have tears of joy love gratitude ease , no matter what happens i have much love for all, i am on my path, and it is my joy/desire to help :). this journey i am on which is still happening has brought much understanding, love, joy, ease, growth, gratitude and acceptance in my world in powerful ways...
much love to all