I think this is appropriate here for several reasons. First, because my own history with money is so dysfunctional and so painful that it is something I fully know I must face and deal with, even though I can hardly bring myself to.

Also because the Money Paradigm is one of the HUGE obstacles that prevents us from stepping forward into the New Life Paradigm. Our attitudes to it, the things we cling to about it and where we place it in the hierarchy of our lives all factor into our reality both as individuals and in our group mentality.

Money is many things. You want a long, tiring, contentious thread besides the Sex one? Here it is, if we choose it. I do not. I think we are capable of doing better than we have on the sex thread, and I think we are capable of doing better on this topic, too.

One of the things money represents to us at a most basic level is commitment. It is behavior codified into value in the most arbitrary and cruel way, but also essential to cement relationships. I don't hear this addressed directly often, but you hear it when someone explains why they won't simply give you the information you need, but will sell it to you: You must give value to receive value, otherwise you will not appreciate what you get. True enough. The pitfall is that when that value is defined solely as money, the doors that are opened and the doors that get closed do not necessarily serve the greatest good. The honest statement would have been: Because this is how I make my living.

The money/commitment/value paradigm shows up in unexpected ways. It shows when we leave the deeply satisfying job for one that pays more, even though we know we will be sacrificing something precious. It shows when the woman rejects the good, poor man for the less-good one with money. She knows she has diminished something within herself. She may have very good reasons for her choice. And it's the money that allows her to smooth over that kernel of disappointment in herself. We've all been there.

I ran into this recently when my wife desired to embark on the Transformation Course. I wished to guide her through the course not just because of our deep bond but also because of her disabilities, which I understand better than anyone. What I discovered is that one becomes a guide for others in the Transformation Course by buying the privilege. That's right: the Guides are the ones who have paid to be. In case you missed the sign on the wall as you came in.

I want to say first and foremost that this is something I can live with. I think it reveals something about the way the Course is set up that is fundamentally flawed, but I honor my guide (Fred) and all the others. I do not think less of anyone because this deal has been structure this way. Because I also think what has been offered, what is happening as a result of the Course existing at all, is beyond quarrel.

Also, I understand that Fred has invested his life savings in this, and that this is now his livelihood. I get it. That kind of commitment required courage, vision, and planning. I fully support it and understand how important it is for each of us to get behind this in every way, including financially.

The problem for me isn't the money. It's the definition of my commitment. Fred stated that if I wasn't willing to forego the price of dinner, I plainly wasn't sufficiently committed to the cause to be considered as a guide candidate. End of discussion. I hadn't expected the door to swing wide. I just didn't expect it to be slammed in my face, and for that reason. But I get it. It's history. I want to address the price of dinner and the price of my commitment.

Dinner for me and my wife typically costs between $2.50 and $4.00. For both of us, not each of us. Part of that is because we are smokers...another form of commitment and an expensive one, and I have addressed that many times and will again. Just not now. We are poor in money, if nothing else. My wife's medical bills are pretty steep. Otherwise, our lives are abundant and joyful. But we are not prosperous, not even solvent. There is no life savings: it was spent years ago, just trying to live. Recently I have changed jobs and made other changes that have resulted in a temporary loss of income. I ask for no sympathy and no donations, but....You want four bucks from me? I was trying to set things up so I could give you four hundred or four thousand in time. You just made me wish to put that future money where it will serve the greater good more effectively. My four bucks will pay for your orange juice in the morning. There, are we even? Do I need to point out what a stupid question that is and what a stupid way to get income from me?

I run into this at work. There is a particular fellow, whom I actually like, who has an entirely different way of approaching our work than I do. What we do, is work in the vitamin and nutrition department of a large natural-foods grocery. It's a large department. We are part salesman, part walking encyclopedia, part helper and guide when people seek ways to own and improve their wellbeing.

We're both named Dave. We're both Dave L. It gets confusing. But Dave's goal and his paradigm is bumping the numbers. He sells. He upsells, He baits and switches. He doesn't lie. He is not evil. He is a salesman. He sees a guy with fifty bucks in his hand, and he sends the guy home with a hundred bucks worth of stuff.

I see the same guy with the same fifty bucks. I understand that that is how much he has to invest in his quest for wellbeing, this month. If I can show him how to save thirty bucks and make the other twenty work harder for him and produce better results than the fifty he was spending before, then I have added value to his life and mine. We still make a profit. Yes, we want more...that's how you grow your business. But that guy with his newfound thirty bucks will be back next month, and the month after that. When he has a concern he will come to me, and not the guy who he knows will try to sell him more high-profit merchandise. And if I don't know the answer, I will take him to the same books I use.

Which one of us - Dave L. or Dave L. - adds more value to the business? Well, it's a tossup, isn't it. It depends on your paradigm, doesn't it. You know where I cast my vote.

For me, my time and dedication are the ultimate commitment. Those who receive it and benefit from it are those who dance with me. They are the ones who think I matter with money or without it. And I have found, they are the ones who have helped me change my ideas about money, value and commitment.

What I have learned I did not pay for in money. I paid for it in life. I offer it free to anyone who wants it, but they have to show me they want it. I'll take money, damn right I will! But what I really, really want isn't for you to send me smiling to the bank. What I want in return for my time and my commitment is YOUR commitment to something. Something noble, something true - not necessarily anything I would choose for you. This isn't a store. You don't talk about commitment when buying a lamp.

That is my value paradigm. I have swelled my brain trying to work out new money paradigms for the new age. I think I, for whom the old money paradigm has been a disaster, am as qualified as anyone. But anything I come up with won't be implemented by me. I would pay and pay again for the knowledge I have received from the Transformation Course. But I should have been told up front what the real cost was.

Here Comes The Peace Train

You don't have to buy a seat on the Peace Train. If you can't afford the ticket, you can help drive. If you can't drive, you can empty the ashtrays, stoke the boiler, tend the coal, man the caboose, or pass out drinks. You can sweep the floor. You can make sure people are comfortable. Some of them paid for their seats with their lives. It is my honor to sweep the floor beneath their feet. There is a place for me on the Peace Train and there is no dollar sign on it.

Thanks for listening.


I am commited to gather people together in my area and swap clothes, make music, enjoy a homecooked meal, meditate, share idea, help each other and offer services for one another. I have a list of ideas and with encouraged commitment these ideas can become happenings and then on to good memories and rewards for the community. This was an inspiring read. Thanks.

I got no cents but I do empty ashtrays at the end of gigs and straighten the chairs for the bartender. There are so many different ways that we can give.


We ran out of gas on the corner near the city park and there were kids playing down the road. As we walked up all these kids (teen-agers) scattered into the woods, running toward the park. I heard my baby in the car crying and thought that I should go back to the car and let someone else go get the gas. I looked over and saw that the kids had put big stones from the ditch into the roadway and had essentially built a roadblock. I understood that they were being kids and having fun, but maybe didn't realize the gravity of what they had done. So before walking briskly back to the car, I picked up each of those big rocks and threw them back into the ditch. I couldn't stop them from doing it again... that's why the cops were out patroling the area..... but I could keep a guy from having to stop his car and having to move the rocks...or worse, a lady tearing up her front end or thoughtless kids going to jail over a bad idea.

I can't  ''tithe'' but I can give. If we all can support each other then perhaps some of us can come up with ideas that serve the greater good AND create profit that they can use to serve the greater good....anyway....there's my paragraph. And to Fred, I have hopes for this community. I wish into being that monies will be provided to assist you in this project.


In the spirit of unity,

Misty Blue

fredburks's picture

Dear Dave and TT friends,

I'd just like to make clear that a financial contribution is not required to become a guide for the transformation course. It is one factor among several in determining who is invited to serve as a guide for the course. We currently have guides who have given no contribution. I'm rather surprised by Dave's comments:

What I discovered is that one becomes a guide for others in the Transformation Course by buying the privilege. That's right: the Guides are the ones who have paid to be.

Fred stated that if I wasn't willing to forego the price of dinner, I plainly wasn't sufficiently committed to the cause to be considered as a guide candidate. End of discussion.

For the sake of clarity, I will include here a few of the emails Dave and I exchanged on these things.


Hi Fred!

My wife Kaye, who is fairly severely handicapped by fibromyalgia and other ailments, deeply wishes to embark on the Transformation Course. What I'm laying before you is a request from the two of us to allow me to be her guide. Actually, I'd like a little help from one or two of the wonderful women in the group such as Aquene.

This started out as a very long email laying out the reasons why I think you should allow this. I just erased them all. Kaye is one of those people you've referred to who was a Transformation Team member before it had a name. Lightworker, Healer, she is that and more. She's a vital part of any number of spiritual and ascension-related groups. Because of her disabilities she does not always come across as she wishes - I help her with her words all the time.

Ask me anything you like, if you have problems with this idea.

Thank you.



Hi Dave,

Your wife sounds like a wonderful addition to our loving team! We would most certainly love to have her join us. I fully understand your desire in a situation like this to be her guide.

I will share honestly that one of the criteria we look at in guides is whether they were willing to give at least a small donation to support the Transformation Team. We see this as both showing a level of commitment and demonstrating the ability to let go of old paradigm fears around money. We feel that if people aren't willing to contribute even the cost of a movie or a dinner, this represents a certain lack of commitment to the team and lack of abundance in life. Does this make sense to you?

Our records show that you have not made a contribution. I understand that you are very low on income, yet I would love to hear your thoughts on this. We are not requiring a donation here, but I would appreciate hearing your thoughts on what I shared about this. Other than this one aspect, I have no reservations about having you as a guide and having you serve as guide for Kaye. Thanks for inviting her to join us. I look forward to hearing from you.

With abundant love and joy,


Hi Fred,

Thanks for the fast reply! I understand policy. And I think you're absolutely right about the price of dinner, which averages about $4 for the two of us, if we're careful. I'd rather dedicate the value of a few packs of cigarettes or tank or gas, and do it regularly. That has been my intent, a promise to myself which I haven't fulfilled mostly because I have recently changed jobs, and lost income temporarily. I'm sure you will assign her a guide wisely, as she has already completed at least the first lesson. My own suggestion would be Aquene or Indigo. Unfortunately I cannot lie to Kaye. I have to tell her it's about money. My message to her will be to press on and don't worry about it, and I hope she will.


> Hello Fred,
> As I wrote you before, my wife wishes to embark on the Transformation Course. Since you would not permit me to assist her with this, I have stepped back and allowed her to proceed on her own, and waited to see who you would assign to her as a guide. She is now at Lesson Three. She is confused and lost because at no time has anyone contacted her, she has not been assigned a guide, and she is ready to give up. How this happened, I do not know. I wonder how many other people it has happened to as they stumble across your sites, and how many it will continue to happen to.
> I do have more to say about buying guideships, but I will say those things in the public forum. I'm not here to criticize. You've been getting plenty of that lately, which I think you asked for, but I don't rejoice in seeing it happen unless and until the results are demonstrated to be positive. My hope is that somehow Kaye can get straightened out and that someone will welcome her as they did me. Because of her disabilities, I hope it is someone loving, kind and patient. She will be a benefit to the group, if there is a way for her to get there. If there is not, she will be a benefit to the group through me. I realize you probably think my benefit is questionable. Beside the point. Help me smooth the path for my wife, please.
> Dave


Hi Dave,

Thanks for checking in on your wife's participation in the course. We'd love to have her join us. The sign up form for the course is at the end of lesson three. Could you ask Kaye if she has filled out that form and sent it in? Many of us check for new registrations every day, and I haven't seen one from Kaye.

As to "buying guideships," I invite you to read my original email to you again. Here it is:

Hi Dave,

Your wife sounds like a wonderful addition to our loving team! We would most certainly love to have her join us. I fully understand your desire in a situation like this to be her guide.

I will share honestly that one of the criteria we look at in guides is whether they were willing to give at least a small donation to support the Transformation Team. We see this as both showing a level of commitment and demonstrating the ability to let go of old paradigm fears around money. We feel that if people aren't willing to contribute even the cost of a movie or a dinner, this represents a certain lack of commitment to the team and lack of abundance in life. Does this make sense to you?

Our records show that you have not made a contribution. I understand that you are very low on income, yet I would love to hear your thoughts on this. We are not requiring a donation here, but I would appreciate hearing your thoughts on what I shared about this. Other than this one aspect, I have no reservations about having you as a guide and having you serve as guide for Kaye. Thanks for inviting her to join us. I look forward to hearing from you.

With abundant love and joy,

Please note that a donation is only one of the criteria as clearly mentioned above. Note also the words "we are not requiring a donation here." We do not rule out guides because they have not given a donation. We have guides now who never donated. I also commented that even a small donation would fulfill that one criteria. You mentioned that you spend $4 between you and Kaye for dinner. If you had mentioned you could only afford a $2 donation, we would have welcomed that. I'm curious as to where you are getting the idea that people are buying guideships. I have to say I feel a little insulted by that. What's going on here?

I love having you on our team, Dave, and would be honored to have you as a guide. I was very perplexed by your response to my initial email to you on this, where you showed no interest in answering the questions I posed. I welcome you to respond to those questions now and would be happy to consider having you as a guide. You take care and have a good day.

With sacred love flowing,


I will also note that the TT is far from my livlihood. In fact, last year I donated over $20,000 of my own limited savings to make this website possible. I have already donated $5,000 more this year and am prepared to donate more, as the contributions are still far from meeting our costs. That said, I do hope that within a few years I will recieve a modest income for my work, though I will not be repaid for my contributions. I am sad that some people are not interested in contributing even the price of a dinner (whether that be $2 or $20) when everything we provide is free, yet I am also thrilled to have many generous donors, and I fully welcome even those who donate nothing. Thanks to all of you for being a part of this wonderful team!

With abundant love and joy,

davelambert's picture

Fred's brought a couple of our personal emails into the forum - something I'd have no problem with if he'd brought all of them in, and not just the ones that serve his point. Makes no difference to me, I didn't come here to air dirty linens. Post ALL the emails, Fred. If I have lied or if I have misconstrued, let's see it. If I am wrong - and I have been and will be again - I will acknowledge it and I will apologize.

I did not post this to embarrass anyone. I posted it because I think it demonstrates how our Money Paradigm is corrosive to our new world. I think we have to think in terms of value, not money. This is not about me "getting to be a guide." At this point I would decline anyway, whether I'd paid or not. Just the emails displayed above show that there is some other reason, yet unstated, why I have not been invited - and - THAT'S OKAY. I didn't take the course to get a guide badge. If that's all it's about, why it's nothing but a pyramid scheme. I am not that dumb. I am not hung up on being a guide. I'm hung up on honesty - and more than any other, it's the Money Paradigm that affects our honesty with each other and with ourselves.

And Fred, I will send you your four bucks.  See!  You win.  Are you happy?  I'm gonna do it for you, not so that I can be a guide.  You'd rather have my four bucks now and forego what I may be able to give later.  I get it.  I will give you what you ask for.


nada's picture

--- Post removed at author's request ---

fred, you attracted a bunch of bums....myself offense whatsoever.....just kidding.........   i think that commitment is a greata topic. especially in a generation where we can so easily give up on one goal and move to the next. i appreciate this site and hope to contribute monetarily someday. in the present time we should all stay commited to accepting and supporting each other. with time this forum will grow....and people will come into the fold who are able to give money. for now....let's see what we CAN give. i have found some interesting material here that inspires me to 'make good' where i am. i want to invite some friends to come here............if we can keep the idea true to itself and forgo any bickering.....(not that anyone is)  this is a transformation team....and if we are to transform we have to accept the ideas of others, if they are meant to change their minds.....they will......

with all love and kindness

in the spirit of unity

so, what does commitment mean to you?  how do you uphold and 'stick with'  your intentions and goals>?

davelambert's picture

I absolutely do NOT think this is a money-making scheme. Haven't I said how much I admire Fred? Please don't miss my point.

Actually, I hope in the future to bring in some income from the internet, myself. So, Fred is entitled to make money. From me, even. I don't have a problem with it. I simply ask to be fully informed. I ask not to be told one thing and then be told something else later on.

Let me relate a little story - it's what I do best....

Back in November, I put my princess on the train to go up to northern CA to visit some friends for a couple weeks. On the way, she met a guy from Phoenix and they talked all the way up. Later, she called me about the meeting. She was excited. He's rich, he's a philanthropist, and his noble ideal is building centers for Indigos. He's been looking for someone to work with him, to write curriculum. The meeting on the train was no coincidence, she and he were both sure. He wanted to offer me a job, to move us to Arizona, to set us up in a beautiful house.

Me: "Honey, are you nuts? He's a big bullshitter, is all. We don't know this guy. He could be anyone. I can't believe you fell for that!

Nafetah: No, he's gonna call you! I gave him the number. When you talk with him, you'll see!

Me: Bah, humbug.....

He did call. We did talk. I did get excited. We spent hours on the phone (I don't like talking on the phone), We made plans. I quit my job after he sent us a couple thousand bucks for advance payment on our services, to help us get ready for the move. He even asked me to hire a couple assistants....whom I carefully chose, and who also became excited. They are the nucleus of the face-to-face group that will one day come together here.

Long story short: it fell apart. There were red flags everywhere. The guy is a flake. He really is rich - a playboy with a family trust. But he's a flake, and I sent his money back and went to work on the Indigo website by myself. I haven't gotten too far with it yet, but I keep trying. I'm learning more html and writing, writing, writing.

I had to go out and find a new job, which I did on the first try. It's all good. I was inspired to really embark on a work I had been playing with for years - the Indigo Files.

Nafetah was crushed. She had invested emotion. She'd given her trust. It took me a while to get her to see that this was not the only opportunity we would see. Good things are happening, this was just the first. After a while, she settled down and has even stayed in touch with the guy. Who knows, that door could open one day again. He's not a bad guy, just someone with issues. Like me.

The thing that crushed it was the Money Paradigm. It troubled me deeply. I couldn't handle being offered a house and a staff. I just wanted something to sink my teeth into - and I got it. But disclosure was flawed. He wanted us to make a big change, and instead of trust and hope, he offered us money, with the implication that trust and hope were part of the package. It wasn't the money that hooked me, and in the end it was the money that drove me away. Too much, too soon. In one of our first conversations, Jim offered to write me a check for $20,000 to do with as I pleased, to pave the way, to tie up loose ends. I asked him not to. If he'd have hooked me right, I'd have paid him. Instead he used money, and I walked away.

My issue with money is that it clouds vision and obscured integrity. The second it comes up, my alarm bells ring. This is my issue, my flaw, my problem. Also my wisdom. I am deathly afraid of what money could do to me. I've seen what it does. I know what it can do in the right hands. As Maggie Thatcher said, no one would remember the Good Samaritan if all he had was good intentions. I get it. This is why I put this thread in the Finance Forum and not the Let's Bash Someone Forum.

I'll say it again - please tell me you hear me. The Transformation Course is priceless. Fred is a titan. I wholly admire him, and you, and this community. I'm trying to examine an issue I think is crucial because so much of our consciousness revolves around it. It isn't about me being wrong or right. In fact, I am fully aware that my attitude about money is deeply flawed and dysfunctional. I am a sovereign integral. A man. One with issues, like Fred and like the rich guy in Arizona.

Help me out here.


davelambert's picture

so, what does commitment mean to you? how do you uphold and 'stick with' your intentions and goals

Good one, Misty. There aren't very many things I'm inflexible about, but trustworthiness is one. I don't even mind if you tell me a lie, as long as you haven't prefaced it by telling me I can trust you. If you tell me you're honest, and I find out otherwise, you have lost me forever. And all you had to do was keep that original remark to yourself.

And boy, do I kick my own ass when I fall short of my own standards! I can forgive myself most anything except a lie.


nada's picture

--- Post removed at author's request ---

sophie's picture

Dear Fred,

I can't speak for anyone else but I know I was personally very put off by the tone of the request for funds at the end of the TT course. If I had known how much you were hoping to receive at the end of the course I never would have finished the course. The request for several hundred or a thousand dollars for the value of the course that I had received nearly knocked me off my chair. I would never had signed up for a course like that because I could not even conceive of affording it. But now, here I was, course behind me and someone's telling me I just took a course valued at x amount of dollars and "What? You can't even donate the price of a meal or a movie??? Where's your commitment?"

Well, I don't even know what meals out and movies cost. I moved to my present location in order to as much as possible NOT participate in the money economy. I spent every cent I had on the land I have in order to provide food and shelter for us. I don't have a credit card so pay pal is out. I don't have a bank account so sending you a cheque is out. For awhile I had some Canadian dollars magneted to the fridge, but couldn't figure out how to get it to you since sending cash through the mail is not safe. And there was this nagging feeling that it would be largely symbolic to you anyway as the amount was not was huge for me. I felt my gift was denigrated from the start by the wheedling tone of the request. "Can't you even send the cost of some of all those fun extraneous things that you buy/do?"

If I could send you a bag of wheat or a bunch of fresh broccoli then you would have a sense of how my personal economy is arranged. I don't have a need for entertainment because my life is fulfilling beyond my wildest dreams. Shelter is paid for. Food is fresh and plentiful. What little need we have for stuff that can be bought with money is paid for by my partner from the wages of his part-time job. Work on our house is done by us as we can afford it without borrowing.

My partner also runs websites and forums dedicated to communication among people who are dedicated to raising their own and others consiousness. He does it out of love...he donates his own time and money to make sure that they're available. I understand that you want this to be your livlihood wheras he doesn't. That's cool...and I hope it works out for you abundantly. But as someone said  in a previous post "Looks like you gotta buncha bums here". I would think that semi-or-unemployed people might make up the bulk of who has enough time to even complete this course. Or you might get people like me who only minimally participate in the traditional economy.

Anyway, I feel like I've probably been a disappointment to you. I've taken on one person as a guide to try and "do it well the first time" and see how it goes. I feel a bit of pressure (perhaps only in my own mind) to take on more as there are other people doing this job with quite a large "caseload".  I feel like I've been painted with some sort of anti-sex and censorship brush in the "How's your sex life" thread even though that's laughably far from the truth.  And I feel like I really can't meet your expectations as far as financial contributions. In short, in many ways I don't feel really good being around here right now. But I won't leave unless you request it. I understand if you think I'm somehow not what you envisioned for this site. I can feel myself pulling back from this place...and yet there are some really damn fine people here...and so I stay.  That's were I am right now. Thought I'd put it in print for you.

Warmly, Sophie

--- Post removed at author's request ---

davelambert's picture

He sure didn't hear what I was saying, so I quit trying. And I'm not the first one to say it.

So, how do we pull it back together? Come on folks, this is our first big challenge. We can't start dropping out. Dammit, we didn't come this far to let something stupid like this screw it all up. So, let's brainstorm and figure out how to fix it.


davelambert's picture

Look, there's a communication problem here, for sure. And Fred, I'm gonna come right out and say it: it revolves around you. When you first started taking heat on the Sex Life Thread, I started trying to run a little interference. By and by I could see that you were gonna just keep digging that hole, so I let it be.

Fred, in your last email to me you said you felt bad if I'd found your previous remarks "disempowering." That was the point where I threw up my hands and said, "Oh, what's the use." Nothing I said got through to you. Disempowering??? My ass! I've been building power for two years and not knowing what to do with it. You know, sparks coming off my fingertips and stuff. Your course - hear me folks? Fred's Transformation Course, the one Fred wrote - is what gave me the focus and the clarity to make a cohesive package out of it all. I will never talk against that achievement, and I will never sabotage Fred. Fred, you're doing a great job of it all by yourself, from where I sit.

Now. Everybody's feathers are good and ruffled. I'm getting emails telling me the women are all quitting. No way, Jose. Or Josefina or whatever. Don't you do it. Let's fix this thing now and move on. Or let's move on and fix it as we go. I started this theme on commitment because I thought we needed to have this converstation - and it looks like I opened up a can of Whoop-Ass.

I say we dance with it. But first, let's breathe some sacred love.


Hey Dave,

Im not going to enter into the above but did find a couple of things you said interesting.

I've been building power for two years and not knowing what to do with it. You know, sparks coming off my fingertips and stuff.

This next bit is off the guide portal and whether you relate to it or not we should probably all look out for it,,,,,,

Note that there is a small possibility that the course might even
trigger a major expansion of energy and consciousness that can be
difficult to handle. Sometimes when a person's energy expands too
rapidly, it can lead to what is called a kundalini rising experience or spiritual emergency. The signs of this are states of extreme bliss
("I am one with God/the Universe") alternating with periods of intense
fear or other negative emotions. If you have any question about how to
deal with such a situation when it arises, please contact us right away. This is a very rare occurrence, but it is important to be aware of the possibility.

When you then say,

Transformation Course, the one Fred wrote - is what gave me the focus and the clarity to make a cohesive package out of it all.

I think with the high comes clarity and focus and while I am sure it would vary in itensity and stuff your comments had me considering the idea, I dunno, just a thought.......I don't think it is a bad idea for us all to keep in mind and I thought I would put it up here.....I can't remeber seeing it outside the guide portal.



davelambert's picture

Jez my brother, thank you for bringing a fresh face and perspective to this! Your concerns are well-taken and relevant. If you don't mind me saying so, I often find your perceptions to have a charming quirkiness that makes them all the more incisive because you are usually right-on.

That ship model is freakin' awesome, by the way.

You do understand that the sparks from the fingertips thing was a metaphor, right?

The signs of this are states of extreme bliss ("I am one with God/the Universe")...

You know, that never really resonated with me?  I still understand God to be distinct from myself. I have had incredible vistas opened before me...things I cannot describe directly but must try to model somehow in my actions and deeds...but I am not God.

...alternating with periods of intense fear or other negative emotions.

I have my moments. But no, everything I have described is not what is being warned of.

I should be clear. I received years of very special training and mentoring when I was young. For the most part this was not something I sought out, although in certain matters such as my correspondence with Edward Peach, who wrote under the name Ophiel regarding astral projection I did indeed investigate things on my own. But from the age of about fifteen until my thirties, several periods of intense learning in various occult and psychic things as well as various religious studies - began when a stranger appeared in front of me and basically demanded I follow them.

Thus I spent several years in the company of a medium, another with a different kind of psychic; almost two years working with a Mexican bruja, got mixed up in some very dark energies for a while, and in general have met some truly unusual and remarkable people along the way. Those extraordinary meetings and encounters have continued throughout my life of three decades. The most significant one is the woman who became my wife. We know we have walked together for millions of years.

I am also, literally, a shaman's son, although that's a dog I'd just as soon let sleep for now.  Nothing I haven't dealt with but tedious, for me at least.  The shaman part is true.

I first began to notice and to journal about changes in myself over ten years ago. Around seven years ago some life-changing events occurred which accelerated some of them. About three years ago my wife and I both began to realize that higher energies were seeking us out even though we were already starting to glow at times, so it seemed. The last 18 months has been continual change and growth - and constant data-feed.

I am starting to feel at times as if I am growing out of my body. But for me to suddenly plunge into a spiritual emergency at this point - not that we do not encounter crises throughout life - it ain't happenin'.

If you have any question about how to deal with such a situation when it arises, please contact us right away. This is a very rare occurrence, but it is important to be aware of the possibility.

Iam not joking when I say, thanks for the heads-up.


fredburks's picture

Thanks for sharing your comments, Aquene. One thing it may help to know about me is that by far my most scarce commodity is time. For this reason, even in our original exchanges about my yearly summary, I did not feel I had the time to address all of the concerns you raised, so I only chose the top one or two which I felt were most important to be addressed. You raised many issues in your lengthy emails which I simply did not have time to address, especially as I had birthday preparations and other things keeping me busy. I believe that in my succeeding comments to the very long sexuality thread I did eventually answer all the points you raised, but the comments are scattered. Let me know if you feel some still remain unanswered.

I am sad that some people were triggered by the sexuality forum to the point where Indigo and White Eagle have left because of this. Andrey, Beth, and I are all excited that we actually dealt with such a sensitive topic in great detail and almost everyone was very respectful. I deeply appreciated the respect you accorded me even when we strongly disagreed. The purpose for me is not to reach agreement, but rather that we do our best to understand each other and learn from our differences.

As I mentioned for guides, a donation is one of several criteria we look at. When Sophie offered to be a guide, we were happy to say yes even though she never gave a donation. And by the way, we've gotten one donation for $500/month, one for $100/month, and several one time donations of several hundred dollars, so some people have been quite generous, though we're still far from being in the black. I will likely have to contribute another $15,000 this year from my limited savings (which was supposed to go toward retirement) in order to keep us running.

Considering that it cost many tens of thousands of dollars to create this website, I am sad that many aren't willing to contribute even five or two dollars. And this is not about the money. $5 means very little to us, but the energy behind the five dollars shows a willingness to give back some for all that people hopefully received from the course and to let go of old paradigm beliefs about scarcity. I understand that many here earn very little income, but is the price of a dinner really that much to sacrifice?

I also want to add that nowhere do we require anyone to give a donation. We make it clear every time we make an appeal that no donation is necessary. How many websites like this do you know that are offering this kind of information and service for free without advertisements? I think we're doing a pretty good job of operating under new paradigm thinking around money here. I welcome your thoughts.

Have a beautiful day!

With sacred love flowing,

davelambert's picture

I've been mulling over how to make clear where I'm going with this in my own spirit, and why I brought it up in the first place, and how I can keep this whole thing from sabotaging Fred, and how it's got to become a slingshot moving us forward and not a sandbar that just hangs us wonder I can't sleep.

First of all I have to say that I found the entire money thing - the way it was handled - offensive and distasteful, and plainly I am not alone. It frankly pissed me off for a number of reasons which I am not gonna tick off again...but the main thing was the old-paradigm hubris of reducing my commitment and my value as a member of the Transformation Team or any other team to - of all things - of ALL things! - money. Require a hundred hours of community service and make me send in proof.

Look, I know it takes money to run the website.  But there's money and there's value added currency.  We have both.  Maybe, we should brainstorm some kind of fundraising.  Not my forte, but how about an eBay rummage sale?  Come on folks, we can come up with SOMEthing.

Old. Paradigm. Old. Paradigm. Get it?

But how to get the point across...the real point which is the commitment it takes to package what we've learned into our own special unique gifts, and put the NEW PARADIGMS into practice and into our daily lives. That is the bottom line. Either the rubber meets the road, or it just spins.

So, here's what I'm doing. Below is a snippet from a conversation between myself and a woman I have known a while but not well, who has
suddenly over the last 2 or 3 months really opened up and let me see a
TTeam Member in the rough - and in the process I've learned she's going
through an excruciatingly difficult time. My wife and I have become
pretty good friends with this woman - she is a corporate executive
at my last job - and we've become not exactly close but extremely open
and honest with each other.

Why pass this along like this? I openly admit that I do not have this woman's permission to repeat her words, nor my personal message to her. I do not mention her name nor identify her in any way. You'll know which voice is mine.

This is what I have gotten from
the Transformation Course. This is my commitment to put what I have learned into the world. And like my seat on the Peace Train, it does not have a price. It costs nothing, and it costs everything.

Be well, my dear Family! Be blessed and calmed and comforted. It is not acceptable for us to fall apart. We will be challenged many times. The message is love; everything else is details.


i know this is a process in which i need to travel through, i don't
know why but we usually don't when we are in the middle...

I'm gonna
let you in on a little secret. We never really, for sure, know "why."
What we do, is learn more and more and more of it, until eventually we
know that we'll never know. And, we're always in the middle. There's a
saying that was common around Rome a few thousand years ago...Semper in
faecibus sumus; sole profundum variat. It means, We're always in shit;
only the depth varies. There's my Coz-mic® gem for the night...almost
worthy of George Carlin if you ask me! is so hard to allow anyone else in because the feeling is as
though i have stripped all my skin off and left it behind somewhere,
all nerves and heartbreak exposed. it is a very vulnerable place...

Well, yes, I know. And I have no wish to intrude. So I hope you know
that I totally respect your space. Both Kaye and I know exactly where
you are at - and the fact is, so do many souls, all of which honor you,
as corny as that sounds it is true. Your situation is yours alone, but
your pain is universal. You are never alone. There are ways to connect
your brain very directly to this, you do not have to take my word for

Go to my website - incomplete as it yet is - and read the essay
called "Two-Minute Vacation." This is the heart of what you need to
know right now. You are deeply, endlessly, creatively, upliftingly,
forever and ever loved, not just by me but by every soul that has ever
moved. When you need to, this is an ocean you can float away on. And
when you are able, it is a boundless energy field you can be one with.
For me, it is sometimes like floating in purple plasma, almost
return-to-the-womb...other times like standing on a huge rocky mountain
in the rain, shouting into the storm with all the joy in me.

I guess I have felt drawn to you for several reasons including all
the rigmarole with Jim A______ - one of which is that I sense a direct
honesty from you that comes from the comes from a vulnerable
place, well-guarded it goes without saying...but it's there, loud and
clear. That makes you special because there's also courage behind it. I
see you clearly enough to know that whatever you're going through now,
you'll be amazing, later. You'll be happier, more integrated, more
focused, more sure of yourself, more able to give love (believe it or
not), and far more discerning as well in the giving of it.
Paradoxically, you will also give of yourself far more freely than you
think possible, today. This, I know. And love will not be a problem but
a continuous feast...not of the Roman orgy variety.

What you are going through - the loss of everything you had invested
your life in, and everything you thought was secured, all that you'd
pinned your dreams on - and along with that goes home, future (so you
think), kids if you have any, your dog, your grandmother's wedding-gift
sterling, your lifetime collection of books, etc. etc....this is a form
of death, only you don't die. You only feel like it because living
seems too fucking painful. See, you're smarter than me. You're not
drowning it in alcohol and drugs. You're doing the right thing, which
is engaging your mind and your spirit in forward-moving things. But it
hurts. Like fucking hell. For a long, long time. Forever in fact, to
tell the truth. But you don't die, and so you do the only other thing
that is possible: you are reborn. You become someone new, all that you
were before and more. It won't make you into Wonder Woman. But you
actually will not be sorry. This too I know.

Actually, the whole death-and-resurrection thing is a pretty amazing
thing to have under your belt. Makes my heart attack look like the
hiccups. And just as I am now stronger, healthier, and sharper than I
have ever been, I'm also better than I was before my own "death." Some
people really do just curl up and die...whether their heart stops
beating or not. I know someone like that - one of my best friends - and
it breaks my heart. In trying to save him from himself, I became his
enemy in his eyes. Can't win 'em all.

I will hopefully have a chance to call you this evening I have to
unload my truck from the the load of stuff I packed and loaded up last
night....hopefully after that.

I'd like nothing better. I'll be up long
past midnight, but you may not see this until tomorrow. Reach out. You
can feel my energy. No, it's not magic. One day soon you'll reach out
and commune with many souls.

One never knows where the road is
leading yet sometimes we convince ourselves we do....silly how we do
that, huh?

See. You get it. I can't make the process easy for you, I
would if I could. But I can show you what you already know, which is
the way through it. That's the only thing you need me for, and once you
remember what you already know, you'll begin to find yourself as
amazing as I do.

Be well, be comforted. Your rebirth is much like your last one:
you are surrounded by a crowd of loving souls, whom you cannot see,
wishing you well, urging you on into new life, wincing and weeping over
the pain and blood at the same time they're celebrating the new life.
Don't ask me who they are. I don't know all of them. Some of them are,
and will be people you will come to know well. The's good
just to know they're there.

See you soon.


No virus found in this outgoing message.
Checked by AVG Free Edition.
Version: 7.5.516 / Virus Database: 269.20.9/1290 - Release Date: 2/20/2008 8:45 PM

Hey Dave,

Seems I'm getting a quirky title here! cool!

The reason I even thought of it is that when I read that it in the portal it was an "Oh shit that is what that was, it has a name" moment for me.......I had one, or something like it......for me it started with a build up of energy, it was over months and one by one I had to make choices, essentially when I look back I was tested for  all the "learning"  I have ever had, I'm talking wierd stuff, I was working at a company with my dad, I was fitting in fine, he wasn't, that was cool, he had an argument with the "big" boss, in front of me but I stayed out of it, 2 days later, day before my dads birthday a friday the "little" boss/owner calls me into his office, my dad wasn't in on fridays and he says to me would I let my old man know, if I saw him, not ever to come back on the property, they would tell him on monday if I didn't see him but it would be better for all if I took care of it.......I had a good job, best I have ever had, good money, free petrol, phone supplied.........and a boss with no balls! sack my dad......he was quiting anyway...but yeah I sacked my dad on his before actually I rang him as soon as I got out of my bosses office.....I had to clean his stuff out and the big boss went on like nothing had happened, but wouldn't look me in the eye.....I walked....haven't been unemployed for over ten years now but did know it well, I can so hear what especially Aquene is talking about, for me the stigma and lack of appreciation was the hardest, zapping.........but this time, while I pay no attentin to it, my "business" at home came to life, hadn't had a job all year and just stated getting calls.....I won't go through them all but as I handled each "test" with dignity, and comitment to my beliefs, without falling to fear I climbed in energy. and as testement to my "behavior" through these things  I have been told that not a sole has bad mouthed me at that company....which is unheard of for people who quit at this company....

With each step my clarity and focus grew, everything that I been working on "spiritually", self respect and my abilities to see and feel but not fall victim to, my ego, pride etc.....stuff I had known for a long time but had never been able to really get in front of.....all started to fit together. I got pointed in the end back to my spirituality and then had my only OBE. Pop dude,.........WOW!.......... I heard what you said about your not god, I'm not god but I saw the other side, was shown what I was ready to see and my energy focus frequency ? resonance had gone god. I live here with my mum and Ian her defacto.......he looked at me after the OBE and said, and we don't always get along real well and  he's not into "spirituallity"at all.... he don't have to tell me if you don't want to but I can see something has happened, you have changed, I have no idea what it is but whatever it is it's amazing......not only did I tell him but he was almost was so clear to me, I threw away 35 years of accumulated crap, but went thru every piece, felt each one and let it go, gave stuff away to the people that could use it, whatever, not everything but 2 trailer went to the tip....I used to hoard....... I understood "it all" and face to face could express and comunicate with ease, clearly.....

Then crash, and with the crash I "lost" it......but it was all still there sort of, and I was  up a "step" from where I had been before it all,  ..... and without the boost in energy it all caved in for a while.  Took a good six months after that to get up.......metaphorically speaking....I have been as I may have said a hermit in that little shed, I catch up with no one.......I am still actually "processing" it all. I tell you because I think you saw it as a negative? or my quirky ways? Lol   it is a wonderful thing, I hope it can happen again around 2011 for me, I won't need another until did bite!....and yeah that rolling emotions, fear stuff, came later....not the whole description at once, it's like a process or something...a reset mine may be different but the warning rang true to my experience in many ways.

I am always 5 or 10 minutes early, maybe more,  whenever I go anywhere.....I am often standing at a door waiting for it to open......I found want to know through being stuck at work with nothing to do for hours on end and having to find something to amuse me. I saw this transformation team button thing, apply here? I pushed it.....started reading about it? I had a strange thought, something was this that "thing" I have always searched for but deep down could feel didn't exist yet? that place I couldn't quite see........Check my profile, ..., I've heard you put your number up a few times, mines 11 I think, I was waiting at the door for this to open. I have been disappointed people haven't given it much time to evolve on it's own. As you have worked out deep down I am pretty care free, go with the flow see where I get...light natured for the most part...whether these divisions are justified or not is not part of what I am saying  here, my point would be more that if we all got to just "know" who each other is first, we might be able to communicate a little better. I don't know about the rest of you but I do have some "quirky" ways that could easily be misread. We aren't "normal".....I'm not sure I want to jump in to deep until I think people get the general idea of how I see things. We are all getting to know Nada, and Aquene, yourself and there are many others posting, but  not everyone is  making posts yet. Maybe I am wrong but I don't see everyone's names coming up. Open discussion is good, but aren't we just checkin it all out, seeing how many it will top off at, and waiting until everyone starts typing before we "set" rules or no rule or anything else.......

I'm not trying to put anything anyone is saying down, but who could say this thread has "good" energy? not me and I am trying.....I love forgiveness, patience..... but I am a peace maker at heart and people are upset, thats all I am really feeling out of we have to do this before we even know every one?

It's late and that just went wherever it went....I should read it back it may just be blabber.....if it is ignore it.....

Love ya Dave,


davelambert's picture

<i>Dave, I happen to LIKE and welcome the SEX thread.</i>

I'm glad it's there, too.  The only reason I am not keeping up with it at this time is that it seems to have moved us toward disunity.  We will be challenged many times - especially by each other's ideas - and yet unity is what we must always return to.

I hope we can return again and again to the subject of Sacred Sexuality.  In some ways we got off on the wrong foot there, but perhaps not really.  Sex is a very, very personal thing for most people.  As a man who is unrepentant about past dealings with prostitutes, and as one who has known several in a real way not just the biblical way, I feel deeply that this very issue is close to the core of the Sacred part of Sexuality.  And this, I know, is a difficult and offensive idea to many.  I am content not to discuss it now, but eventually it will be fully understood by all.


davelambert's picture

<i>$5 means very little to us, but the energy behind the five dollars shows a willingness to give back...</i>

Fred is absolutely correct in this context.  I fully support this mission and fully intend to support it financially to the best of my ability. Believe it or not, that has been my position from Day One.  It has not wavered and will not.  And no, I have not yet put my four bucks in the mail.

My point is that people are willing to give much more of themselves than what you have asked.  People are passionate about this.  And yet, many of us feel helpless in the arena of money.  We are constantly hounded by the outstrectched palm!  Bill collectors.  Homeless people.  The landlord.  The government.  Is there any more enormous source of powerlessness?  And we deeply know how valuable we are, how essential everyone is, and we yearn for the escape from that paradigm so that we too may blossom in the sun.  To run into the Outstrectched Palm here too - it hurts.

I tried to suggest that there really is a new paradigm open to us here.  Let us accept each other as priceless.  Let each give what he can.  Let the needs of the community, not only the financial ones but all of them, be known and expressed.  The solution is holistic.

Money is as touchy as sex for a lot of people.  Fred, I would like to think that even you have learned something here.


Stefa's picture

--- Post removed at author's request ---

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