A Near-Death Experience

Beyond Finite Consciousness: A Personal Account
By Ann V. Graber Although
I had believed in a reality beyond the tangible world since childhood,
it was largely a matter of faith. Faith became knowing when a window to
another dimension, or plane of awareness, flew open for me on September
10, 1984. On that eventful day my life changed dramatically, both
internally and externally.On a vacation trip a year earlier we were
involved in an automobile accident. The rear-end collision had resulted
in an undetected injury to my neck, which caused discomfort and
increasing numbness of my left arm and hand. I found, I could relieve
the pain and pressure in my neck by dangling my head over the edge of
the bed before going to work in order to be able to type. This is what
I was doing on that fateful morning when I slid off the bed and landed
on the back of my neck. As my body hit the floor, I felt an
excruciating pain - as if my spinal cord had been cut by a knife -
followed by a lightening-like sensation surging down my spine and
exiting through every nerve ending - then nothing - no sensation, no
movement! I lay crumpled on the floor the way I had fallen and could
not move. A horrible realization dawned upon me: I am
paralyzed!Following the shock of this discovery, I began to assess my
situation. As a former anatomy/physiology instructor I had enough
medical knowledge to conclude that I had sustained a traumatic spinal
cord injury with loss of function and sensation below the neck, and was
quadriplegic.

At the prevailing level of medical technology,
we simply didn't know how to mend mangled spinal cords. Since I could
still breathe unassisted, I deduced that the lesion must be below C-3
(third cervical vertebra).I was fully conscious and painfully aware of
my predicament. This fall happened around 7:30 a.m. on a Monday
morning. Everyone had already left for the day. I was alone. No one was
expected to be back before evening. Fears,couched in questions and
answers, assailed me: Will I still be alive by then? It didn't matter.
who wants to live in a body that doesn't function? And my worst fear of
all: What if I was comatose and could not object to being kept alive
through mechanical means? The horror of that possibility engulfed me.
An intense rush of self-pity overwhelmed me. What awful fate had
befallen me!Then some aspect from deep within stepped forth and took
charge as if to say, "Stop your sniveling! You can't wipe your nose;
you will choke. This is not the time to feel sorry for yourself. Use
what little time you have left to put your inner house in order!" It
was as if the CEO of my intrapsychic board of regents had spoken. This
appeared to be a sensible suggestion. I was surprised to learn that the
emotions did not have to run the show, that a higher wisdom could be in
charge.

Heeding its directive, I had to concede that I was
probably about to die. How does one prepare to die - consciously? Not
some day when I'm old, but now, perhaps in a matter of hours?As my
bodily functions and sensations diminished, perceptions became keener.
Never before or since have I been able to think so clearly and rapidly.
It was as if the central nervous system were an organ through which
mind operates in the physical plane.

Now the veil of matter
was lifting and I had direct access to mind, unencumbered by limiting
neural pathways. I perceived myself more and more from outside of my
body confines. It felt as if my life force was being withdrawn through
the crown of my head and was gathering above me. This process took
several hours. I became the observer and the observed. For instance, I
could dispassionately observe that the circulation was cut off in my
left leg (I had landed in a heap with my weight compressing the left
leg). I watched it turn pale, then waxen-looking, as if it belonged to
a corpse. All at the same time, I felt deep sadness for it, boundless
gratitude for having carried me through life, and the joy of dancing
and skiing on it. In this expanded reality everything was happening
simultaneously with great intensity. It was trans-temporal: I was in
linear time as well as beyond it.The thought occurred to me to do a
"general confession with an act of contrition" as I had been taught in
my Catholic childhood: to ask for forgiveness wherever I knew I had
wronged someone, and to extend mine where I harbored resentment.

As soon as I had that intention clearly formulated, my memory banks
opened up in a way I had never experienced before. Suddenly I had
access to past experiences in a multi-sensory way. I not only saw the
events of my life pass before me, but sensed the wider implications of
every act, in a holographic progression. I was acutely aware of how I
and others felt at the same time. For example, I knew each and every
child in my first grade class again. I could clearly see the wispy pig
tails of the little girl in front of me, was fascinated by the
intricate Norwegian design of a boy's sweater; I was hearing the
teacher's voice while knowing what impact he had made on each of us -
far beyond the lessons we had studied in class. And so it went through
the many days and years of my life. I was amazed at the mental acuity
at my disposal. Everything I had ever learned was stored knowledge
available to me, in glorious technicolor, with surround sound, complete
with smells and tastes, accompanied by feelings. It was incredible -- a
holodome of my personal journey! When I reached the end of my life
review, a dizzying perceptual ride through several decades, I felt
great relief. I saw it as a life rich in meaningful experiences: some
happy, many painful, but an eventful life with many challenges and
opportunities for soul growth. There were some unhealed relationships
into which I poured all the love and good will at my disposal, trusting
that my intentionality would direct it to its destination. Then I began
to say my good-byes. This was truly wrenching as I was very much
attached to the people I loved. With deep love and caring I took my
leave from those near and dear to me. As the circle of love expanded, I
was amazed to see how many people had influenced my life and made their
contribution. I began to understand how interconnected we all are. At
that moment, it was easy to love the whole world and everybody in
it.Gradually I reached a point of relinquishment where I concluded - it
was a good life! If I had to do it over, I probably wouldn't do any
better.

This was very comforting. A tranquillity and
stillness began to permeate my entire being. I was at peace. All fear
of death had vanished. The sun was high on the horizon now. My
breathing was shallow and very labored. Death would be a welcome
visitor. My last conscious thought was, "Into your hands I commend my
spirit, oh Lord!"What I am about to relate next needs to be prefaced.
No one says it better than the mystic, Emanuel Swedenborg, when he
describes spirit slipping into a stillness at death, rather like
falling asleep, and experiencing inexpressible Divine things of
infinite wisdom; of seeing countless things, of which not even a ten
thousandth part could be described in human words because they would
not fit into concepts that have matter-centered content. (Heaven and
Hell, #411; George Dole translation).

After having
surrendered my life into the Lord's keeping, the scene shifted.
Awareness of the room where I had lain on the floor faded. I was
somewhere else! Trying to orient myself to my surroundings, I perceived
myself as being far out in space. Far below I could see our beautiful
planet, the Earth, glistening and turning gracefully. I sensed that I
was not alone. There were presences about me, very benevolent beings. I
did not perceive them as having form, but they were identifiable by
their inner qualities, which radiated from them and permeated the
realm, giving it a shimmering purplish-golden glow. It was a wondrous
place, or state of being. My impression was of swirling currents of
pure compassion, of radiant love, of infinite wisdom, of aliveness and
vitality that sustained worlds without end. These qualities were as
palpable as tangible objects are in our world, not abstract or elusive.
I felt wondrously safe there. I was home!I also felt warmly welcomed
and was given to understand that my life task was accomplished. What
joy! The thought of spending eternity there filled me with an ecstasy
that's unimaginable from where I had come.

Then a drama was
staged for my education and benefit. Our world was shown to me. It had
points of Light as well as places of darkness. There were many changes
occurring rapidly all around the planet. This appeared to me as energy
vortices twirling, picking up momentum, colliding with others, changing
direction and velocity, regrouping and reforming, gradually learning to
cooperate for the benefit of all; until eventually they moved with
grace and beauty, in harmony with one another. The implication was:
there is and will be much chaotic whirling of energies about the planet
Earth. There is need for souls there who can be stable elements, points
of stillness, while the winds of change and transformation blow about.
I intuited an invitation, "Will you be one of them?"What? Go back into
that crumpled body that's beyond repair? I didn't want to leave the
wondrous purple/gold shimmering realm, nor the company of those
magnificent beings! But it was not polite to say NO to God or to His
Emissaries, was it? So I gave my consent to return for an extended tour
on planet Earth. Mine would be a bit part in the supportive cast that
could be played, if need be, from a wheelchair.No more than I had given
my consent to return, when I became conscious of being on the floor of
my room again. The door was being opened. Against all odds, someone
came by at noon and found me. I was rushed to a hospital that
specialized in treating spinal cord injuries.

After many
months in traction, a spinal fusion, rehabilitation, the ministrations
of many kinds of healers, and the loving support of kindred spirits, my
recovery exceeded the most optimistic medical prognosis. Has looking
through that window beyond finite consciousness made a difference in my
life? The first and most immediate change was in my attitude regarding
death. If I believed in a life after death before, now I knew that
consciousness lived on. Moreover, I had experienced the transition from
three-dimensional to multi-dimensional reality; it will be an adventure
to be looked forward to, not an event to be feared, when this "tour of
duty" is successfully completed.I also live with a greater sense of
purpose, knowing that each of us has a vocation of destiny or life
purpose - to do that which is most meaningful for us to do at a given
time and circumstance. Life is a gift, not a given. We are to respond
to the demands life places on us, meet its challenges, to the best of
our ability using our innate resources. We have a mandate to become all
that we can be.

We each play a part in the symphony of life.
The orchestra of planet Earth is practicing its hymn to the universe.
There may still be discordant notes to be heard, but we are getting
more attuned to each other and to the Conductor. It will be a glorious
sound when everyone knows and plays their part in concert with
others.Since that glimpse into another dimension in 1984, there has
indeed been much swirling of energies about the planet. Awareness has
shifted and consciousness expanded in many ways. Collisions of thought
streams and belief systems were and are inevitable until we see from a
cooperative, not a competitive, perspective. As more and more of us
access that greater reality within, fear will lessen; not only the fear
of death, but also the fear of each other, and bridges of trust will be
built.It became obvious that experiences beyond finite reality are not
the purview of a select few, but the common destiny and heritage of
humankind. Direct experience of the sacred is our birthright. There
have been and still are spiritual giants among us who have pointed the
way. We tended to worship their pointing finger, instead of being on
our way to where it was pointing. At the core of their message we find
Love and Wisdom. The peripheral details of these experiences, and the
message inherent in them, vary according to individual perception. The
translation of the sacred and infinite into finite language will also
be colored by cultural idiom.As windows in consciousness open and our
perceptual boundaries expand, let us not erect new ones by seeking
validation for our experiences through conformity with the near death
or sacred experiences of others. The divine spark in each individual is
unique; therefore, the experience of each one is valid, albeit
different. Just as the description of my experience is uniquely mine,
so are the descriptions of others' experiences uniquely theirs. I tend
to take these accounts less literally than I once did, but look for the
spirit contained in the message. What emerges is, "There is a wondrous
life to be lived - here and beyond - as we love and serve each other!"

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