A Life Changing Dream

 A Life Changing Dream Experience 

This story involves the very vivid dream I had many years ago. A dream that was so real that it has stayed etched in my memory ever since. I have difficulty remembering now exactly what year this happened.  I do remember that I was alone in bed, so it must have been after my wife and I separated in 1985. In many ways that is not as important as the event itself, because the dream is now part of my memory bank.

"I was asleep, when I suddenly found myself walking down a road that passed through a small settlement. I call it a settlement because it is rather difficult to describe. First of all the color or lack of it meant that everything I saw was a very depressing, dull blue gray color. it was like the last moments of twilight before darkness sets in. There were heavy low clouds that covered this entire scene. There was no wind or movement of anything. It was like everything was in a state of mournfulness.

The road was not paved but was more like a wagon trail. The trees on each side of the road were dark and lifeless, and here and there between the trees there were small clap-board huts. Each seemed to have a door but I saw no windows. And in front of several of the huts, people sat on the ground, there bodies covered with dark monk like cloaks, with hoods that covered their heads. And they all sat motionless with their heads bowed down, and did not look at me as I passed. I made no gesture or words to anyone. I felt I was just passing through and I remember wondering, "Why are they just sitting there, why don't they want to leave this place? I didn't find it scary or threatening, I just knew I wanted to continue on my journey.

I was dressed in very ordinary clothes and was wearing a medium weight jacket. I passed through this settlement and continued walking. As I left the settlement I came to a tide flat area and could see that the road was approaching a very large body of water. The road continued along very near the waters edge, and as I walked it not only got much darker but I could see the wind and the water of the sea were becoming more storm like. The further I walked the more ferocious the wind and the waves became. Huge waves began crashing against the beach to my right and a high cliff loomed over me on the left, and I felt suddenly that I might be washed away by the huge waves that were crashing about me.

The road that I had started on was now much more narrow and instead of being straight, I realized I was walking  in a long continual curve to my left. At the height of the storm I could suddenly perceive a glow in the far distance. And because the road was curved, the further I walked the brighter the glow became. I remember that my one objective was to get to the source of the light, and I walked for what seemed many miles towards that place that existed somewhere in the distance. The closer I got the brighter this light became, and then the road seemed to come to an end.  I knew I had to keep going towards the light, so I climbed up a rocky path on the side of the cliff and as I made my way I looked down now at the sea of water below me. The waves began to subside, and suddenly I could see the reflection of of the light on the waves.  The further I journeyed the more calm the waters became and the brighter the light was that I was going towards. And then the water became as a mirror and the light reflecting off it was almost blinding and still I could not see the source of it. And I can still see in my mind when I climbed over a large rock formation and could finally see a glimpse of the source of this great light. To start with I could only see the edge of this, and it was like looking at a huge mountain made of Crystal. I was born in the shadow of Mount Rainier and this huge Crystal seemed at least that big, and I was only at one corner of it. As I moved to a better view it was as tho I could not see the end of it either to the right or left and the height was beyond my vision.

It seemed to be surrounded by water that was so clear and still that the reflection of this huge mountain of Crystal was reflected in it. And the Crystals that made up this mountain were of every color one can imagine, and they were all clear like glass, and I just stood there in awe for what seemed several minutes as I tried to comprehend what this was before me.

As I journeyed further towards this great light, my path revealed that below me there was a bridge that spanned from where I was to this crystal mountain surrounded by water. Now, this was no ordinary bridge, it was like a single arch that literally flowed from one side to the other. And the side which I was on started like a smooth deck in the shape of a fan that gracefully became more narrow as one walked over this arch. And as I approached the bridge deck I suddenly realized that other people of every description were approaching from other paths and roads over which they had journeyed. And we were all drawn like a magnet to this bridge and the huge structure that was before us. And I realize I did not relate to anyone else and no one related to me as I walked across that beautiful span, and I must tell you that I am sure that the arch we all walked across was made of pure gold, and the length was at least one half mile, possibly more. And all of us were completely mesmerized by what we were seeing. There are no words I know of that can accurately describe what this was.

As this crowd quietly walked to the far side of the span, the arch came to rest, again in a fan typed deck of inlayed marble which was a large open area like a plaza. On the far side of this plaza there were small archways that entered this huge crystal structure, and I just followed my own inclinations where I should go. What had been a large crowd of people just dispersed into this huge building,. mountain... (I don't really know what to call it).

What I found when I entered was a small reception area (rest area). I was immediately approached by a lovely young woman dressed in a 3/4 length tunic type robe. She asked me if I would like something refreshing to drink. I said yes, I would. I took a seat at a small side table. She brought me a stem glass of a liquid that looked like apricot juice. the taste was like nothing I can describe but was very delicious and very refreshing. When I had rested for a few minutes, I left this area and entered a very large hall way. This passage way was very wide, several hundred feet, and had a height that was supported by the most beautiful arched ceiling I could ever imagined. I have always loved the style of a gothic arch and these were at least twenty stories high. The length of this hall way was longer than I could see.

As I walked down the hallway I became aware that people were entering doorways on my right side. As I passed one of these arched doorways I could hear beautiful music playing, so I entered. It was a beautiful auditorium in the round with a slightly raised stage in the center, where a symphony orchestra was playing. It was not music I can say I was familiar but the sound was absolutely wonderful. After a short time the piece ended. There was a very polite applause, then several musicians put down their instruments and took seats in the audience, and several people in the audience went up to the stage and took their places in the orchestra. And after a few more minutes, the music started again.

I felt compelled to investigate further, so I left this auditorium, and continued down this very large hall way. I came to a second area of arched doorways and so I entered. Do you know what a second take is? Like in a movie when you look into something and in a comical way, you come back out and then look in again to believe what you have seen. I laugh at myself every time I think about this, because it was like I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I had just walked into an auditorium that was as big as a foot ball stadium. The seating was curved around a small side stage, on stage right. Behind and across to stage left was a huge viewing screen. A man was standing on this small stage and lecturing about the Cosmic order. Everything he said was perfectly audible, and everything he talked about came to life in three dimension on the screen behind and to his left. The screen was much larger than any movie screen I have ever seen, and the visual effects were as if you were actually there in the picture. I don't remember too much about what was actually being said because I found this such an awesome experience just to see it. I did not stay very long because again I felt compelled to understand why I was there. I again entered the large hallway.

I had walked only a short distance when a young man approached me. He had shoulder length blond hair and was wearing a 3/4 length tunic with a sash around his waist. He smiled and said, Carl, I've been expecting you.

I shook his hand, and really didn't know what to say. He then asked if he could see me in a small side room off the hallway. I said, "yes," and he guided me to a smaller arched doorway on the left side of the hall.

In this room there was a large marble pedestal which held a very large book. The book was tastefully ornate, appeared to be leather bound and looked quite old. There were what appeared to be parchment type pages and the book was quite thick. It was lying opened on the pedestal. This young man stood on the open side of the book which was slightly slanted upward. I was facing him from the front side and could not actually see what was on the pages. He must have sensed my question. He said, "Carl, this is the record of your life. It contains everything your life has contained, every thought, word, and deed you have performed." I was startled, I said, "Did you say everything?" And with the most compassion I have ever experienced, he looked straight at me and said, "Yes Carl, everything."

In the next moment I was lying fully awake in my bed, and my heart was pounding. For a moment I had to realize  what was real. I had just been in a real place and was talking to a real person and suddenly I was awake in my own bedroom. I lay there for a very long time pondering what I had just experienced. I realize that nothing I had been through was threatening to me in any way. the young man who had just moments before addressed me did so with true compassion and understanding. What I realize frightened me about this was the fact that I came face to face with my own reality, and that was a very startling thing to experience. I guess the main question I must ask myself is, has this helped me, has this experience made a difference in my life. Yes, of course it has, and why, because I knew I had to confront the lie I was living with, and I sensed from that time on that it was just a matter of time before the final confrontation would have to take place. It was not long after this that I was charged and sentenced to an eight year federal prison sentence."

This is the first time I have ever written this all out. I guess it comes out longer than I had expected. I do not know how much of this is absolutely true, and how much might be symbolism. I do not know if there is an actual place that fits the description I have given. I can tell you it was very real to me. I also realize that the entire journey was very rich in symbolism, and I would like someday to understand what all of that meant. Yes, I feel I have a pretty good idea what it is, and have had since it happened, but I have no way to validate this, and I feel unsure to trust my own impressions.

All that I can say is, it is a part of my past. Perhaps it was nothing more than a very dramatic forecast of what I was going to face for the mistakes I had made. I thank God that this ordeal is now over. I have served my time and I am at peace, because I know I do not ever have to live the lie again. 

With God's Love and Blessing,

Carl Azcar