After I started this blog, I had a sense of...not guilt...but non-compliance with my agreement with myself about transcending the concept of polarity, separation, egocentricity. I had focused on the word "I". This thought pestered me for a couple of days and then I returned to my initial thoughts and realized that what I am putting in words is not reinforcing the separateness but commenting on how my "observer self" is comprehending and assisting me in dealing with transformation from that separateness to the state of Oneness.
The very fact that I have discovered and become very aware of that, I will use the word, "Over I" is significant of the fact that this me that I have know all my life is much more that I ever was conscious of. I think of this Over I, the observer self, as that part of me which is higher in awareness than that I which goes about the daily activity of making choices and creating by default the reality which I live in. My Over I observes my activities from a place of non-judgement and total love, yet sometimes laughs at my follies, cheers for my advances, and yes, prods me when I have regressed back from where my spiritual path is leading. Is it the same as my "conscience"? I am persuaded that it is not. Conscience can be very unloving, nagging like a hang nail, provoking one into further negative actions and reactions. Indeed, conscience is reactionary in nature. My Over I, is gentle, persuasive, comforting and lovingly informative of my error thinking without judgment.
My Over I is the part which reaches out with compassion to others. It is the part of me which is predominate when I am meditating, or practicing my Reiki, or any healing process. It is that part of me which responds to Source with that joyful tear in the eye and the tingle in the spine and the upwelling of connectedness to All That Is. I believe that it is the evidence of that expression of Divinity which indwells each of us and ties us together even when we are not aware of it. It is the silver thread which connect me to my Higher Self, and thus to that reality beyond the Veil of Forgetfulness and ultimately to the Creator.
And even with all of this, it is still very much me and not anyone else. It is a fractal of creation which identifies this self from other selves but remains part of all of the other selves and part of All That Is.
And so it is.
Namaste'
Berry
Berry, thanks for sharing this meander with us. Coming to recognize and understand this Over Self requires an ongoing awareness of ourselves in action. There are many different expressions of it as we each gradually come to understand it within ourselves. Thank you for sharing your precious perspective. With Abundant Peace and Love, JoyAnna
Thank you, Barry, for sharing your thoughs with us. You have put into words what I feel but never took the time to verbalize. You are very much appreciated.
Since I started this blog almost 3 weeks ago, I guess that I set into motion an intention to be made more aware of who this identity which I call I is. In response I have unexpectedly been presented with a plethora of information guiding me to deeper understanding of what goes on in my inner self. The general trend of illumination has been to make me understand that there are multiple interactive processes going on in my mind and body, any of which at any one time I may consider to be I. Right now I am still somewhat overwhelmed with the job of sorting it all out. But to get it down to its lowest common denomenator, and to use some Hindu thought, there is basically the observer and the observed. The observer is always the same unique I which is the consciousness and which is the extention of All That Is. The observed (if indeed it is observed, which it most often is not) is that part of me which creates for me all of that which becomes my reality and which is in reality only illusion. Now you are as confused as I am. Hehe.
Thought is the vehicle which creates for me all that I experience, desirable, undesirable or inconsequential. Thought is an automatic function of the "unconscious mind". That is to say that thought arises all by itself without volition. We have all been accompanied by the contant mental chatter that goes on in our heads, that for the most part is totally unrelated to anything going on at the time. Sometime I have paid attention to it and found myself stymied by the fact that I had no earthly idea what my head was talking about. Stuff so out of my current activities and concerns as to be almost alien. And then there are those thought which arise unbidden which are often negative and opposed to your current actions and intentions, causing anxiety, anger and all sorts of other negative emotions. It is almost as if there is a mental dysfunction at work.
And according to Eckhart Tolle, that is exactly what is happening. And the culpert, if I may use that term, is the Ego and in conjunction, the "pain body". I have within myself (as everyone has) a thinking intellegence known as Ego. This intellegence thrives on everything that gives it more of itself. It "identifies" itself with things, conditions, states of being. My car, my house, my appearance, my job, my whatever. It can also identify with such things as my illness, my poverty, my abandonment, my victimhood. Anything that will give it attention. The ego is voracious and is always seeking more of what it thrives on. One of the things the Ego does to hook us is to build stories around its needs. And when I am hooked, I believe those stories and start treating this illusion as if it were reality. I start doing, and wanting and behaving in fashions that are not reasonable. Much of what the ego mind is thinking and creating is based on memory. And especially on memories of painful past experiences. So it developes chains of negative emotions, resentment, anger, frustration, fear, rage and such. And so, unchecked, the I that I present to others and think of myself as is identified with all of this.
And this is where the "pain body" comes into play. All of the negative thought and emotions build a core of dark energy which feeds on more of the same. Where the Ego is primarily mental the pain body is reactive and can work though the physical creating more of the drama and pain that it has accumulated and desires. The pain body feeds the ego and the ego feeds the pain body. The pain body draws to itself others of likeness. Law of Attraction at work. Since it wants more of what it is, it draws people to it that share the same sense of anger, resentment, hatefullness, and scorn often triggering reactions to create more negative responses. When I find myself snapping at someone for some minor comment or striking out angrily for no particular reason, I have identified myself with my pain body and then say is this who I am?
Neither of these are the true I though. They are the creations of my unconscious mind and my memories. It is my true consciousness, which when awakened, may observe the ego and the pain body and simply by becoming aware of what is happening bring the mind back to sanity. The I which is my Consciousness does not identify with the drama and pain. It is unattached to the negative emotions, the little stories and the painful memories of the past or worries of the future. It is present in the Present, the Now, and it is through this observer I that the negative thoughts and memories are transformed into peace, happiness, wellbeing and Oneness. I used the term "Over I" in a previous post and that description still hold true here. In this I have defined those parts of my self which are not the real "I" but which hide the "I" if it is not awake and aware.
More later,
Pranam Aur Namaste,
Berry
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Berry,
I will admit that your definition of this "Over I" is too confining for me. I certainly accept it as your definition, but think you are being just a bit hard on yourself. Yes, the Ego must be controlled but I do not see it as the bad boy that you make it out to be. It is simply trying to preserve the human part of what you are. Yes, balance is the key, but that is something we all must do or we become too one sided.
I know that there have been times in my life when I let my Ego drive my emotions and ambitions, and I know that I had to get a hold of myself to re-direct my efforts and thus re-gain a proper balance in my life. But isn't that what learning is all about. We don't learn from our successes, we learn from our mistakes (failures).
I also realize that I, (Carl), am not here to run the show for my life. It is my immortal Soul that is really the director of my life, and sometimes my Ego is quite put out that he is not more important than I will allow him to be. And that is because my Ego tends to become Egotistical unless I put some strict limits on what it's responsibility truly is. Yes, take care of (Carl's) needs and well being, but just don't let it go to your head.
For many years of my life, it was not my Ego that I was fighting but the exterior restrictions that were placed on me by religion and the education I had received as a child. It took me many years of my adulthood to sort through the lies and corruption I had been taught. It was my Ego, my sense of self-preservation that saved me from my own destruction. That and the fact that I learned how to communicate with the eternal Spirit that is dwelling within me. So in many ways I can thank my Ego for preserving my body and for insisting that I take care of my health, so that I could perform the tasks that I came to realize I had agreed to in this life.
In this respect I have come to love this body I was given because I have also come to realize that what I am is a gift I have to share with others. And it is in that sharing that my Spirit becomes alive in the relationships I have with others. For me this has become a clarification of the purpose I have in this life as one physical being relating to others in this wonderful mystery of what we call Life in this physical world.
With Love to All,
Carl Azcar
Nada, both your post and my response have vanished so I agree with you that those conversations, though totally in love, were unnecessary. Your sacred love flows into me, my sacred love flow out to you.
And for all of you who have participated in this discussion, the rhetoric about ego and pain body is an observation of what is experienced as reality for me before I begin to become aware of who "I" truly am. I do not and cannot disagree with any of you because I also perceive that each of us are only and completely part and parcel of All That Is. Not a portion, but, I like the concept of holographic image, of All That Is. Each little peice of the Whole is comprised of all of the Whole.
I ran across a quotation from the Upanishads last night, which blew me away when I read it. If I substitue "I" for Brahman, which is basically what we are agreeing on, then this is one of the most susinct descriptions of being that I have yet come across.
"What cannot be seen with the eye, but that whereby the eye can see: know that alone to be Brahman the Spirit and not what people here adore. What cannot be heard with the ear but that whereby the ear can hear: know that alone to be Brahman the Spirit and not what people here adore...What cannot be thought with the mind but that whereby the mind can think: know that alone to be Brahman the Spirit and not what people here adore."
Kena Upanishad
Don't rush through that, but consider deeply what is being said.
Namaste'
Berry
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Berry, your comments are very insightful. Like Michael Liang's post, your ideas startled me a little by leading me in a direction I wasn't expecting, and once again it was because of nuances of interpretation we accustom ourselves to, seldom stopping to ponder exactly what others mean when they use the same words. I'm thankful for this, as it gives me an opportunity to expand my own thought processes.
8-D
Berry,
I am truly sorry for this state of pain that you continually feel. I cannot identify with that because it is not my pain. It is yours. Therefore I must let you deal with that because you have intellectualized that state which is actually being produced in your own human mind and emotions. I can only see that as a physical need that you must somehow meet.
Please do not mistake that for something spiritual, because you cannot intellectualized a spiritual concept. Oh, I guess you can try, but you will lose all meaning that it has. Our human thought processes are simply not equipped to understand the spiritual reality. You will have to transcend your humanness in order to find any true meaning of a spiritual nature because you will only wallow in a lower state unless you are willing to rise up to the higher understanding of your true Self.
And therein lies your choice. Now you know why I cannot accept hard rock music, because it can only become mired in it's 3rd dimensional limitations. It is literally stuck because it cannot lift itself higher. Unfortunately it is a misery that seeks its own company and thus pulls everything down to the lowest common denominator.
Sorry, I have been there and done that. I would rather spend my time on more worthwhile spiritual pursuits.
WIth love,
Carl Azcar