Guidelines for Enlightenment by Swami Beyondananda

Guidelines for Enlightenment by Swami Beyondananda

1. Be a
Fundamentalist--make sure the Fun always comes before
the mental.
Realize that life is a situation comedy that will
never be canceled. A
laugh track has been provided, and the
reason why we are put in the
material world is to get more
material. Have a good laughsitive twice a
day, and that will
ensure regularhilarity.

2. Remember
that each of us has been given a special gift, just
for entering - so
you are already a winner!

3. The most powerful tool on the planet
today is Tell-A-Vision.
That is where I tell a vision to you, and you
tell a vision
to me. That way, if we don't like the programming
we're
getting, we can simply change the channel.

4. Life
is like photography. You use the negative to develop.

5. It is
true. As we go through life thinking heavy thoughts,
thought particles
tend to get caught between the ears,
causing a condition called truth
decay. So be sure to use
mental floss twice a day. And when you're
tempted to practice
tantrum yoga, remember what we teach in Swami's
Absurdiveness
Training class: *Don't get even, get
odd.*

6. If we want world peace, we must let go of our attachments
and
truly live like nomads. That's where I no mad at you, you
no
mad at me. That way, there'll surely be nomadness on
the
planet. And peace begins with each of us. A little
peace
here, a little peace there, pretty soon all the peaces
will
fit together to make one big peace everywhere.

7. I
know great earth changes have been predicted for the
future, so if
you're looking to avoid earthquakes, my advice
is simple. When you find
a fault, just don't dwell on it.

8. There's no need to change the
world. All we have to do is
toilet train the world, and we'll never
have to change it
again.

9. If you're looking to find the
key to the Universe, I have
some bad news and some good news. The bad
news is: there is
no key to the Universe. The good news is: it has been
left
unlocked.

10. Finally, everything I have told you is
channeled. That way,
if you don't like it, it's not my fault. And
remember,
enlightenment is not a bureaucracy. So we don't have to
go
through channels.