I was surprised a little at this list. Maybe the one that's most surprising is that ....well you read it. It's strong medicine. I have a nursing friend who has done this work and they have some amazing stories, some are quite 'paranormal' and inspiring.
Top five regrets of the dying
A nurse has recorded the most common regrets of the dying, and among the top ones is 'I wish I hadn't worked so hard'. What would your biggest regret be if this was your last day of life?
- guardian.co.uk, Wednesday 1 February 2012 06.49 EST
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There was no mention of more sex or bungee jumps. A palliative nurse who has counselled the dying in their last days has revealed the most common regrets we have at the end of our lives. And among the top, from men in particular, is 'I wish I hadn't worked so hard'.
Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. She recorded their dying epiphanies in a blog called Inspiration and Chai, which gathered so much attention that she put her observations into a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.
Ware writes of the phenomenal clarity of vision that people gain at the end of their lives, and how we might learn from their wisdom. "When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently," she says, "common themes surfaced again and again."
Here are the top five regrets of the dying, as witnessed by Ware:
1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
"This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it."
2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
"This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence."
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
"Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
"Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying."
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
"This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again."
What's your greatest regret so far, and what will you set out to achieve or change before you die?
The "wish I hadn't worked so hard" comment says it all. If they hadn't, all the others would be possible, including more sex and bunji jumps! More time to play with your kids allows for the "laughter and silliness", more time for friends, more freedom to express yourself, and so on. Add it all up, and it is easy to see how our brainwashing into "enslavement" has deprived us of our right to be human beings.
But the key here, to me, is,,,,"I wish that I had let myself be happier". So we have always had the choice, but usually allow ourselves to be duped into the work ethic....Everyone has met that "someone" along the way who is just happy as can be, even when subjected to the same situations as the rest of us, and often times worse ! Something pushed them over the edge, to the realization that it was up to them to be happy,,,and so they were !
I find myself in the middle of this "communism induced work ethic" now, every day, here in china. The people were all "brainwashed" to think that they should all "work as hard as possible" to contribute to their society, and the strength of their country. In America, they brainwashed us without the political aspect. Not much difference, as both sides are waking up ! Here though, the people are using capitalism to try and find their way out of it, at other's expense. It is sad to see them trying to do what Americans did. They will now work themselves to death for materialism, looking for that light at the end of the tunnel, thinking it will better their life. I only teach 15 classes a week, 45 minutes each, and don't make alot of money. it is enough to live comfortably here, and ,now having settled into it, it is obvious how deluded we are. No one should work more than 20 hours a week, unless you are "on a mission" for the betterment of all, in which case, you are doing it because you are motivated to do it. But how did they ever convince us that " selling shoes" is for the betterment of all ? ha! You gotta love it !
Life is an adventure ! Enjoy the ride !
I worked crazy amounts of hours for many years supporting my growing family. Did I need to? I worked a lot of OT when I could have spent more time with my kids-we all paid for that mistake.
I felt heartened to read " I wish that I had let myself be happier." because it's something I have been trying to teach myself for a while now. It goes against the grain in our consumerist-brainwashed society...
http://www.dannion.com/ Twilight Brigade
I have had many over the years the "if onlys", then I came accross "The Four Principles of Spirituality", I think I posted it here somewhere, anyway the second principle “Whatever happened is the only thing that could have happened”. This one alone allowed me to recognise that wherever I am in life is exactly where I should be, it has really changed my perspective, and as a result as I go to bed at night, I look forward in anticipation of how my next day will unfold, and what will I be learning or sharing.
Thanks for the Post Brian :)
Funny that my woulda, shoulda isn't on that list...
I wish I had closer family ties.
I often wonder what the power elite regret (if anything) on their deathbeds.
That seems like very advanced thinking Eyejay. It is true but uncommon. I certainly don't live my life from that perspective and it seems very far from my grasp.
I have far from grasped this fully, I shared here because it seemed appropriate. It seemed to make a lot of sense to me though, as my path thus far has been full of hills to climb only to come tumbling down the other side. Some time back I was rediagnosed (if there is such a thing) it appears that I am more Bipolar 2 than depressive. So I have been doing some reminising of late, when I came accross the Four Principles, I believe I was led to read them as a way of moving forward, for me anyway. Whenever this type of thing happens, my immediate reaction is to share, this at times is not always the best thing to do.
My journey continues, my path is winding, with many forks and 'U' turns :)
The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz
http://www.miguelruiz.com/
Eyejay. That's encouraging. I also feel myself fall so many times after making some kind of "progress" in life. It's hard. I believe most of the shall we say "minor"? mental health issues like depression, bipolar etc (as compared to schizophrenia) are actually of overarching evolutionary effectiveness. They allowed for some spontaneous extraordinary performance, persistence, insight or compassion in a few that led to many a group's survival. I don't think it's just screwed up gray matter. Think of it as a gift as much as you can.
As a 'comparison': a famous WWII German general was asked why the American military was able to effectively beat them even when they were theoretically outmatched by the Germans. He said the Americans were so disorganized, that it was impossible to anticipate them. It drove the Germans nuts! HAH! Finally-a use for my disorganized brain!
That sounded really flippant-sorry! I make it sound like I think depression, bipolar etc are not significant. Ask anyone in my family about my depression...and my kid's have additional troubles too. Just trying to make a point about how some scientists are asking if various mental health diagnosis are actually things that have helped the species. I can tell you that shamans often have to have certain things happen to them to become effective. They nearly always are individuals who have a "psychotic break" (in modern parlance) or a near-death experience of some kind. It seems to prime the pump for becoming cognizant of the spirit world or being able to remotely diagnose illness and more.
Brian, I understand what you are saying.
There have been many very intelligant and revolutionary figures throughout history that have had some form of depressive, bipolar or ADHD symptoms. One I know was Leonardo DaVinci, if he was born into todays world he would have been diagnosed as ADHD and been put onto Ritalin or some such drug, this would have resulted in him being dumbed down and never have invented the many things he did. Pencil and printing press being two of his major world changing inventions.
I am a very creative and problem solving person, and as much as the Bipolar has a negative social effect, after coming through these times I have had my greatest moments of clarity